Leading former peers is one of the hardest leadership transitions anyone faces. And it’s happening more frequently than ever.

Three weeks ago, a newly promoted VP called me in a panic.

“I got the promotion I wanted,” she said. “And now everything is weird. My former peers won’t talk to me the same way. They’re treating me differently. Some are resentful. One person I thought was a friend has completely shut me out. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

With the Omnicom-IPG consolidation, and similar restructuring across PR, communications, and marketing, agencies are promoting people internally to fill senior positions. Thousands of professionals are facing the same challenge: how do you lead people who, last month, were sitting next to you complaining about leadership?

The Moment Everything Changes

The moment you accept that promotion, every single relationship on your team changes. Instantly.

The people you grabbed lunch with? Now they’re wondering if you’ll share confidential information. The person you vented to about leadership decisions? Now you’re making those decisions. The colleague who competed with you for the promotion? They’re reporting to you, and possibly bitter about it.

You’re the same person. But your relationships are fundamentally different.

And here’s what nobody tells you: this is normal. It’s supposed to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Because it is awkward and uncomfortable.

A managing director I coached put it perfectly: “I thought getting promoted would feel like winning. Instead, it feels like I lost all my friends.”

What Your Former Peers Are Actually Thinking

Before we talk about what you should do, let’s look at what’s happening in their heads. Understanding their perspective is critical to succeeding at leading former peers.

The person who wanted your job: “Why did they get it instead of me? Am I not good enough? Should I start looking elsewhere?”

Your closest work friends: “Are we still friends? Will they share what I say in confidence? Do I have to be more careful now?”

The high performer: “Will they still advocate for me? Or will they take credit for my work now that they’re in charge?”

The skeptic: “They don’t know how to lead. They just got lucky. I’ll give it three months.”

None of these people are being unreasonable. They’re responding exactly the way humans respond to change and uncertainty. Your job is to understand where they’re coming from, and then lead anyway.

Understanding your energy, and theirs can be highly valuable during times of transition. The Energy Leadership Index (ELI) can be helpful in assessing your energy.

Five Things to Do in Your First 90 Days

1. Have individual conversations with every person on your team.

Don’t wait for them to come to you. Schedule one-on-ones in your first two weeks. Not to assert authority. Not to lay out your vision. Just to listen.

Ask them: What’s working? What would you change if you could? What do you need from me to do your best work?

Then listen. Really listen. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Don’t counter. Just listen and take notes.

This does two things: it gives you invaluable information, and it signals that you’re a leader who genuinely cares about their perspective.

2. Clarify your new role, out loud.

One of the biggest mistakes newly promoted leaders make is assuming everyone knows what their new role means. They don’t.

Have a team conversation. Explain what’s changing and what isn’t. Be clear about decision-making authority. Be honest about what you’re still figuring out.

This kind of transparency is not weakness. It’s leadership. (For more on this, see my post on why your managers struggle to become leaders.)

3. Establish new boundaries, respectfully.

You can’t be everyone’s confidant anymore. The venting sessions, the gossip, the “between us” conversations, those have to change.

This doesn’t mean becoming cold or distant. It means being intentional. You can be warm, supportive, and genuinely caring while also holding the boundaries that your new role requires.

4. Deliver early wins for the team.

Nothing builds credibility faster than making life better for the people you lead. Solve a problem they’ve been raising. Remove a bureaucratic obstacle. Advocate for resources they’ve been asking for.

When your team sees you using your new position to help them, skepticism starts to fade.

5. Earn trust every single day.

Trust isn’t granted with a promotion. It’s earned, one decision, one conversation, one kept commitment at a time.

Be consistent. Be honest. Be respectful. Be courageous.

That’s what leading former peers ultimately looks like: becoming the leader they choose to follow, not just the boss they have to report to. (For more on what drives people to follow, see my post on five signs your team has stopped following you.)

What Not to Do

Don’t try to be their friend and their boss at the same time. You can be friendly. You cannot be their peer the way you once were. The role has changed, and pretending otherwise creates confusion and resentment.

Don’t apologize for the promotion. You earned it. Own it, with humility, yes, but own it.

Don’t avoid the difficult conversations. If someone is acting out, being resentful, or working against you, address it privately and directly. Letting it fester will undermine your credibility with the entire team.

The Truth About This Transition

The executives I coach through this transition almost always say the same thing on the other side: “I’m so glad I didn’t give up in those first few months.”

The first 90 days of leading former peers are the hardest. The relationships feel strained. The decisions feel heavier. The isolation is real.

But after decades of coaching communications leaders, I can tell you: the discomfort is temporary. The credibility you build by leading with integrity through that discomfort? That lasts.

Be the leader you needed when you were in their position.

Navigating a leadership transition and want support? Executive coaching provides the outside perspective you can’t get on your own. I work specifically with communications leaders making these transitions. I offer a complimentary consultation. Please schedule here.